Comparison is a Thief
Have you ever heard the saying “comparison is the thief of joy”? At first, it seems like a pretty straightforward statement. Comparing yourself or your situation to someone else is going to steal your joy. But is this true? We have many examples where comparison is helpful: watching how a leader in sport or business does something so that you can learn and grow from it or seeing someone push themselves in the gym and inspiring you to push yourself a little harder, etc. These examples show that sometimes comparison doesn't steal joy, but I’d argue for the most part we use comparison to hurt ourselves. We compare ourselves to others and wish we could be somewhere we aren’t. We compare ourselves which leads to negative self-talk. We compare ourselves and think we aren’t enough. And in this case, comparison *does* steal joy. But more than anything, it steals time.
Comparison (when used negatively) is really the thief of time, or the present moment. Most of us have some memory in the past that we look back on and think “why was I hating my body so much at that time?” We have moments where we thought we weren’t good enough, weren’t performing well enough, or hated our body. I remember seeing a picture of a day where I was at the beach in Maui with my family. It was a beautiful day, the water was crystal clear, and everyone was happy. But what I remember most from that day was that I hated how I looked in my bathing suit. All day I was picking apart my body and wishing I had covered up more. And to look back at my body in that time period, I felt shocked. How could I ruin such a beautiful day by worrying about my body and comparing it to others? The body dysmorphia I felt at the time was clearly evident only when looking back at pictures. When we compare ourselves to what we used to be (past) or where we should be (future), we are stripped of the opportunity and joy in the present (now). The time is stolen from us. The present is stolen from us.
The antidote is to ask ourselves how much we want to enjoy this present moment IN the moment itself. To ask ourselves what we want to remember from this memory being created. How we want to remember this "now". I like to call this reflection the “Sacred Pause”. Where I pause in the moment to ask myself how I’d like to move forward intentionally. You can use this sacred pause in many moments, but the simple act of reflection can change our actions moving forward. It changes the channel, metaphorically. When we think of the opportunity cost of either enjoying the moment or spending the time feeling inadequate, we at least give ourselves the choice to intentionally choose what we want in the moment, rather than having the thief steal time right from under our nose. So yes, technically comparison is the thief of joy. But more than that, it steals your time, your life, your precious present moment…if you let it. Last thing — if you’re reading this and feeling bummed thinking “wow, I’ve wasted so much time!”. Don’t worry, this is part of being human. We have challenges (mentally and physically) and are given the chance to learn and grow from them, often many times over. This is like any practice, you’re never immediately good at it. It takes time, effort, and intentionality. We get to practice getting our time back, moment to moment.
What other things steal "the now" from you?
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